Like the meme says, everyone does make mistakes. I am not bad, and I am definitely human. One of the biggest challenges I have faced as an adult, particularly over the past five years, is the fact that I am an alcoholic, recovering, but I was/am…whichever of the different theory types you buy into there. I am 33 years old. Yet, because of the mistakes I made when I was drinking, whenever I mess up now, in my sober life, people just jump to the assumption that I have relapsed. Every time I make a mistake, no matter what it is…that’s the first assumption. It has been true of relapse twice I believe. But I admit those.
The others, well they have been false accusations. When I have eaten something strange and my breath smells funny, when I get in an accident with another vehicle…that’s what happens. And it enrages me to be honest. While at the same time, though, I honestly know why my loved ones and friends think that way…but it still enrages me. I wonder when it will stop.
I live my life in fear because of this. Telling the truth is sometimes difficult, because I fear they won’t believe the truth, and sometimes wonder if I shouldn’t tell people things at all. When I go somewhere and am running late coming home, fear, and anxiety. If I want to go somewhere by myself that isn’t a usual place that I visit alone…fear and anxiety. I’m a good person, I’m human, I have made bad choices. But that does not mean all of my choices are bad. And I really hope that I don’t have to pay for those choices the rest of my life.