I let myself be hurt again by my PTSD. I opened up to my wife and tried some things in bed with her. Some things that I was already cautious to share out of embarrassment or bad experiences in the past. I was hesitant because of my anxiety of it being weird or selfish.
It, of course, did not go well, and I’m left feeling like shit, hating sex, and unpegged.
Started off okay, but then she started being discouraging and acting really weird, bored, and jealous. When I asked her why she was acting so sad, she just lied and said she wasn’t. But I know her. She is my wife. I can’t stand the lies.
I just stopped everything and literally cried, feeling even more embarrassed. Now, I never want to try that again. Which sucks, because now I will be missing out on something that is really important to my happiness.
[…] I hurt myself by being myself, always. was originally published on Pure Daisies […]